I told my wife the other day that one of the ways I have seen her love for me throughout our relationship is that no matter what has happened, I have never felt like a failure in her sight. I have felt stupid, I have felt like a jerk, and I have felt insufficient to the task of loving her as I should, but I have never felt like a failure. Even when I felt insufficient, her kindness, gentleness, and compassion reminded me that I would always be insufficient, but that God had called us to be together, and through him I could love her as I have been commanded. Even when I felt like a jerk, she has forgiven me and accepted my apologies. We have not been married terribly long, less than 5 years, but in that time, I have managed to feel like a failure in many other situations, but never in her eyes.
As I told my wife, I have felt like a failure at work and with friends. I have never done any job perfectly, I have always made mistakes, and the response of my co-workers or my employers has always made me feel like a failure. I continued the work I had, but the fact that I could not complete the tasks that had been laid on me made me feel as though I had failed to live up to the expectations for me. Among friends I have likewise failed to live up to the ideals set for me, forgetting or failing to complete something I said I would do. Failure is, perhaps, inevitable for most of us in life, and it is a stinging feeling to stand before others knowing that they entrusted a task to you, and now you have harmed your reputation in their eyes by not fulfilling the task given you.
But, as I talked to my wife, I began to realize that it wasn't just her who had treated me with such open compassion. I told her that I think one of the reasons she and I both miss so many of the wonderful friends we made in Louisville was because they treated us with that same compassion. I could list name after name, but I fear that I would forget someone. The friends, the family, we were joined to in Louisville by the grace of Christ, never once condemned us or faulted us for any failing.
As I thought of those who opened their lives and their hearts to us, I realized just how important that love was to us. I know that even today I could call up any of the men who served in small groups with me, who came to be accountability partners, and I could share anything with them, and they would not consider me a failure, they would love me and encourage me with kindness and honesty. Don't misunderstand, they wouldn't condone sin in my life, they would challenge me to take steps to remove any moral corruption I might confess, but the fact that I had stumbled into sin would not make me a failure in their eyes, it would only serve as a way to draw us closer together as brothers and friends. I know that if I were obstinate they would be firm, and if I were confused they would offer wise counsel to correct me, and it is a wonderful feeling to know that I can count on those men, no matter what. Those who have become my brothers in Christ are as close to me, and some of them even closer, than the brothers I grew up with, because I know that no matter what, they will always be there to pray for me, to correct me, to rebuke me, and to celebrate with me, and I can only pray that I will likewise always be there for them if they need me.
This is how Job says friends should be. Specifically Job says, " A despairing man should receive loyalty from his friends, even if he abandons the fear of the Almighty." (Job 6:14, There is some debate on the best way to translate this sentence, but that's a discussion for another day.) Now, I'm not despairing, but I know that if I were, my brothers would not walk away from me. Even if I were to forsake the faith, I know that these men would pray for me, would encourage me, and would seek to win me back. The fact is that I would have to try and destroy the friendships that Christ has blessed me with, because my brothers love me, and they love me as Scripture describes love, not in the way of the world.
Do you have friends like these? Are you a friend like Job describes? If you cannot think of any friends you have like these, know that Christ is such a friend to sinners. If we will come to him, have faith in him as our Lord and Savior, no matter what failings we may have, he will not call us a failure when we come to be judged. Christ's compassion is beyond the compassion of my brothers, but they have demonstrated that compassion to me, and I encourage you, if you do not know that compassion, go to Christ and find forgiveness given freely. Do not fear that God will call you a failure, for he gave his own Son to redeem you and I; in Christ we are successful.
To my friends, my brothers and sisters in Louisville, Carrollton, Savannah, Atlanta, and wherever the Spirit may lead you: Thank you. I love you all, I pray for you often, and I ask that you too would pray for me. We cannot know what God has intended for our lives, and it may be that I shall never see some of you again, though I pray that God would let me rejoice with you once again. But, no matter what happens in this world, I know that one day I will rejoice with you at the throne of our God and Father. Once again: I love you. May God richly bless you and use you to expand his kingdom.
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