I used to fear my father. When I say that I do not mean to conjure up some image of a little boy cowering from his father's shadow. What I mean is that as a young child, up to my teenage years, I knew that if I got into trouble, regardless of what the punishment might be at school, it was my father's punishment I feared. I feared my father's punishment because he could actually take things from me that I wanted, he could actually use physical force in punishing me, and no matter what, I could not avoid him, because I had to go home at some point. In looking back I do not think that fear was a bad thing, because at times when I was not motivated by common sense and a good intent (children are sinful you know) there was another motivating factor to keep me in line. Fear is not always a bad thing, sometimes fear has perfectly good and practical purposes.
Lest anyone misunderstand, mine was not a household where my mother simply held back and watched my father discipline my brothers and me. Remember, (if you've read my previous posts) my mother was a quadriplegic, so there was simply little she could do, in terms of force, to punish us. My father was the primary disciplinarian in my household just because that was the way things had to be. I have no idea how things would have been different had my mother been able to walk. Such a question is really basically irrelevant to me, because I live in the reality that is, not in the possibility of what might have been.
The reason I bring up the fear I had of my father though, is because it is that fear which taught me to honor those authorities over me. Because I was afraid of my father, I honored his wishes, I behaved (usually) as he wanted me to behave. And, because my father wanted me to represent him and my mother well, he wanted me to obey those teachers and other authorities that were placed over me, so long as the rules were just. As I learned to obey the authorities over me, I eventually learned to honor those authorities.
In honoring others I learned something else as well: how to honor myself. As I grew up and realized what it meant to honor others, I began to realize that the respect I gave those who had authority over me was the same kind of respect I wanted for myself. I did not want people to be polite to me because I wanted to exercise control over them, but because it meant that they were respecting me, they were showing me the due deference that I was showing them. If I was supposed to honor my bosses, doing what they wanted me to do and working as hard as I could to complete the orders given to me, then I wanted them to respect me as a person, not giving me orders just to make me work, but because the orders were sensible. Honoring myself did not mean thinking more highly of myself than I ought to, but realizing that I had value, I am a son of the living God.
It is this same sense of honor that I have tried to teach to children who use insulting language and refuse to exercise self control. The poor behavior of children like that shows that they do not honor their parents, because they do not care what people think of their children that they would act in such a way. This poor behavior shows that these children do not honor others, as they use vulgarity and profanity that may insult or offend others nearby, and their behaviors generally cause a commotion, disturbing the peace of those around them as well. This behavior also demonstrates that these children do not respect themselves. They do not know how to behave so as to demonstrate that they think they are worth anything more than the value of entertainment they are providing at any given moment.
It is interesting to me that those who make themselves the center of attention could be the ones with the least amount of personal honor. I do not mean simply that they may behave the worst, or commit crimes when no one is looking, but they also have no personal honor in that they do not think of themselves as having worth. Children who scream profanities, who insult adults, and who display no self control not only insult those around them, but they illustrate that they insult themselves as well. I realize this is not the case for all children, some of these children think the whole world revolves around them and they act the way they do because they think everyone ought to give them what they want because they are worth it (or deserve it). But, in either case, whether these children honor themselves too much or have no honor at all, they still do not rightly honor themselves, their parents, or anyone else.
I bring all this up because I wanted to point out the importance of the Fifth Commandment. I noted previously, as Scripture says, that this is the first command with a promise: "Honor your mother and your father that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." In honoring our parents we learn how to honor society and the authorities of society. We learn how to honor God as we model our relationship with him on the relationship with have with our mother and father. We also learn how to honor ourselves, holding ourselves as being worth more than just a cheap bit of money, more than just a bit of food or someone's entertainment.
Honoring our parents brings with it a promise, but also an implied curse. If we honor our parents, then we will live long in the land, but if we do not, then we will not live long in the land. That curse is still applicable today. A man who grows up without honoring, having neither care for his parents, nor concern for others, is prone to make one of two equally disastrous errors. Either this man will have no respect for himself and will sell out at every opportunity, always seeking to find something to give him meaning, or, he will think of himself as the only one who really matters and he will become selfish, greedy, and contemptible.
Many of us were like this. We were those who had no honor, we did not give God the glory due him. We claimed to honor our parents, but in reality we only cared for ourselves. But, God has forgiven us, if we come to him through Christ, and now he has given us the honor of being called his sons. How then can we continue in dishonor, when we have a Father who is worth all the honor in creation?
I learned what it means to honor by starting with fear. Not everyone needs to start in this same way. For children there is perhaps some value to having a right level of fear of their parents, understanding that their disapproval could lead to significant consequences. But, for adults that does not need to be the case. We can learn how to honor others just from the command of Christ: "For whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the law and the prophets." (Matthew 7:12) Honoring others begins by doing what we ought, because it is right to do so to them, and because we love them as God has commanded us.
If we are wise we will learn to honor our mothers and our fathers. We will learn to honor them because in so doing we will honor God. In honoring God we will learn what it means to honor ourselves, what it is to see ourselves as more than merely animals, as though we were just some kind of evolved protozoa with a sense of morality. We will realize that he who made us out of dirt also breathed his spirit into us, so that we are more than the sum of our physical parts, because of his spiritual blessings. Let us honor our mothers and fathers in every aspect of our lives, when they are present and when they are not, because our Father, to whom we owe our very existence, is ever present with us, and is always worthy of our honor.
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